It’s called school…and it happens (almost) EVERY day.

If you are the parent of a school aged child, then you know what a daunting task the morning routine can be.

This task is particularly daunting in the Ashworth household, where everyday, the routine is a surprise. Seriously, everyday my six and half year old 1st grader gives me a look of shock when I tell her it’s time to get out of bed. EVERYDAY. Here’s how it goes…

Me:(In a very annoying June Cleaver voice) “Good morning Avery!  It’s time to get uuuppp!”

Avery: “Uhhh, mama…why do you get me up so early EVERYDAY?”

Me: “Because, Avery, you have school today.”

Avery: “Again? I had school yesterday…”

And so it begins, the morning routine. As soon as gripy pants drags herself out of bed, the baffling question of what to have for breakfast leaves us at a standstill. First standstill of the morning routine. Pancakes, waffles, oatmeal, cereal..those are the options. After staring into space for about 3 minutes, we finally reach a decision. Usually waffles.

By the time the waffles are made, the second child Braedyn (or Morning Glory) starts yelling from her room. “Moommmmyyyy….tum tet meee(come get me.)”  The dynamics of this morning have just totally changed. Braedyn in the morning is like a land mine…ready to blow at any moment.  It’s best to just not speak to her until she has decided what kind of mood she’s in for the day.  The best bet is to just turn on a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, wait, and pray.

When the waffles have been eaten, Avery stares into space for another 2 to 3 minutes before realizing that there is more, much much more to be done before school begins. Second standstill.

Avery: “Mama, what now?”

Me:”What happens after you eat breakfast EVERYDAY, Avery?”

Avery: “Ummmm, get dressed??”

Thank God, finally.  I’m beginning to think this routine thing is paying off.  I mean, it is January now.

Now, our house isn’t huge.  In fact, it’s just under 2000 square feet, so it shouldn’t take long to get from place to place, right? Wrong.  5, yes 5 minutes after coming to the realization that it’s time to get dressed, Avery can be found wandering aimlessly around our 2000 square foot house.  Sometimes she’s in her sister’s room, sometimes the bathroom, sometimes she’s even in HER room, right next to her clothes (that have been laid out for her).  Is she getting dressed? NO! She’s singing, playing, or carrying on in what we call, “Averyland.” This is where I start to lose it.

Me: (Harshly) “Avery, you have two minutes to get dressed, shoes and socks included before I absolutely lose my mind.”

Avery: “Why do I have to put my shoes on? Can’t I do that later?”

Me: “NOOOOO. Do it NOW!”

Avery: “Fine, geez.”

After a mild breakdown, I hear my husband (who is usually trying to pull himself out of bed). “Babe, do you need help?” No, I’m good.  Let me handle it, now that we are already to the point of total “my mom is a psycho” mode. Argh…anywho.

Approximately 2 minutes later, a fully dressed and not so chipper Avery appears in my bathroom for the final leg of this morning marathon. Teethbrushing and hair- doing.

Now, I learned my lesson not to leave Avery alone in the bathroom long ago.  She has this problem with just staring at herself. Seriously.  She will literally stand in the bathroom and look at herself for hours. She talks to herself, models, poses…Lord only knows what is going through that child’s mind, because I sure don’t. So I stand there and monitor her while she brushes her teeth, and it seems to be effective, thus preventing the 3rd standstill. Yay for us. By this time, we are usually on the verge of late.  This is when she drops a bombshell.

Avery: “Mama, I gotta go potty and ummmm, I gotta poop.”

Great, another 5 minutes off the clock that is ticking dangerously close to a tardy.

After the longest poop in kid history, we are ready for hair.  Which by this time is just a ponytail, and if you’re lucky I can curl the ends.  Would I love to fix her hair cute and girly and all braidy?  Of course!  I just know that by March, she will know where my bathroom is.

After this, it’s off to the races. Grab the backpack, get your lunch, is it cold? Get a coat. Did you get your folder?  Braedyn, where’s Braedyn? Come on Brae, we gotta go. Hurry, hurry, hurry…we have school. Get in the car, yes, my car not Dadddy’s car.

Whew..finally. The climax of the morning nightmare. The drive to school.  Everyday I try my best to explain that we do things in order for a reason.  For a routine.  Avery insists that she knows and remembers…hmmm. I’m not so sure.

After drop off, I can take a deep breath.  And a sip from the cup of coffee I poured myself over an hour ago.

I’m thankful for our crazy mornings, I know they will be gone before I blink..so I make myself cherish them, and I love my absent minded 6 year old…no matter how crazy she makes me.

As I pull away from the school, usually thanking God that it’s over for that day, I hear a tiny little voice from the backseat ask me, “Mama, where we toing(going)?”

Ding ding ding, round two.

Pinatas: Fun Party Game or Test Subjects for Titanium Mesh?

Let’s talk about pinatas, shall we.

As a child these dangling targets of merriment parade themselves at parties as good old fashion fun.  Now having cycled through several pinatas for my own children I have formed the definitive conclusion that these are, quite possible, a testing ground for some sort of mission impossible type titanium mesh.

Here is how it plays out:

Child:  Yeah a pinata!

Adult:  Let’s all gather round children

Adult to Adult: How are we going to hang this bad boy up?

Adult to Adult:  You should just hold it…it will be fine

Adult to Child:  Who’s up first?

*Inevitably it is the small fries that totter up there with a gleam of anticipation in their eye that they indeed will crack this pinata and have candy overflowing (spoiler alert: this never happens)

Adult to Audience:  Who’s got the bat?

*This is where you have one of about three choices, they are as follows: Stick (boo), Baby’s 1st Bat (Come on, Really?), Aluminum T-Ball Bat  (Now we are talkin’).

Now that the little guys have done some major damage to the tissue paper, (not really I just threw that in there because they try so hard) the crowd will stare at the pinata in amazement that it is indeed not cracked.

So here comes round 2, the big kids…dun dun dun…

At this point there are two ways this can go south, either way someone ends up getting wacked and gets to hear tom burgeron say roll that footage, word of caution, that’s all i’m saying.

The child saunters up to the pinata and gives it the best DiMaggio swing they can muster and…

Wiff…

The adult yanks the pinata up in the air  just before contact and the crowd roars with laughter (This is always a crowd pleaser, they never see it coming, make a note first timers).

The child chuckles to himself…you!  They then take a deep breath of determination and set their feet for the swing that will redeem the stolen glory of their previous attempt.

Whack!

Nothing…

Whack!

Nothing…

This pattern continues until all of the batters have had their turn.

Whack!

Nothing…

Whack!

Nothing…

The crowd is astonished…how can that be?

The adults gather to inspect.

Nothing…no hint of a tootsie roll, no inkling of a kit kat…at this point you would pretty much settle for anything resembling candy to be showing from this “pinata.”

The adults stand baffled.

Adult to Adult: what should we do?

And that is when you have to power up a construction grade rotary saw to get this thing open. The candy is dispersed and the subject is never reviseted…until now.

Conclusion:
Pinata’s are made of a government grade titanium mesh that is so top secret, the only people that know are you, because you have stumbled upon this highly intuitive blog, why thank you…and hobby lobby, I always knew there was something fishy about that place.

Solution: The Human Candy Sprinkler (Copyright Pending)
Place a child into the center of the room.  Now listend closely, this is where it gets tricky… Give them a big bowl of candy and have them heave it into the air with delight.  Next.

Toy Story: Fact or Fiction?

I would like to now pay homage to the little touted soldiers or shall I say “actors”  who were featured in the Toy Story Trilogy for about 2% of the movie.  For it is because of these soldiers that I have cracked the code that indeed, Toy Story is a true and accurate representation of reality.  You see, a bucket of these brave men just happen to dwell in and about my living room thus enabling the conclusion that they are indeed “live action figures.”  Every evening before we go to bed we gather our tiny green friends and collect them into their, shall I say barracks.  We do this not just to tidy up, but also because stepping on one of these fellows in the pitch black of night can send the shooting pain of a thousand razor blades through the delicate arch of your unsuspecting foot.

I know what you are thinking…you are so tidy, great story…Well number one, thank you for noticing, and number 2…No my friend, that is by no means the end of the lesson.  Here is the rest of the story, told in what I believe would be the retrieved captains log should I come across it.

Captains Log… 2200 hours
We have  rendezvoused at the rally point, the giants are sleeping…it’s go time.

Alpha squadron, set up operation Achilles heel, in quadrant 1

Zulu squadron, quadrant 2

Tango Squadron, quadrant 3

and Echo Squadron quadrant 4

We’ve lost a lot of good men…soldiers, you’ve served us well…it’s been a pleasure serving with you.  Deployment is upon us, casualties will be high…be brave soldiers, be brave.  (I like to image a william Wallace type scenario playing out here, you know the whole bit…they can not take our freeedom (insert thick Scottish accent)).

So I did the math..quadrant 1 is the area that leads into the living room, I think it is probably code name “trail of tears”…Quadrant two has to be the bathroom code name “don’t go chasing waterfalls”, quadrant three is in the playroom, code name “It’s all fun and games till someone goes stomping through the house yelling like a two year old” and quadrant 4 is the kitchen, code name “set on medium heat and simma down now”

These little soldiers are convincing and they hold post like nobody’s business waiting endlessly for one of the “giant’s” tender skin to be bayoneted by the needlepoint end of their rifle.

So here we are, the jig is up “toy soldiers”…we have you figured out, there is no need to keep up this charade…we know that we are under attack and here is what I have to offer…a treaty if you will…an olive branch of peace. Withdraw your troops and call off the attacks…and I hereby do solemnly promise to give your own little oasis of undisturbed tranquility…the shelf in the toy room?…The space behind the movies? okay okay fine, you can have the closet, but no more.

Deal?

An Amazing Morning with Lyric

Waking up early on a Monday morning is difficult for everyone, especially small children, but we were pleasantly surprised to be greeted by a very special two-year old who seemed to be completely unaware that it was 6:45 in the morning…the precious Lyric Scott.

Cuddled so sweet in her mama’s arms, she was sporting some delicious dry Cheerios and bare feet, and very anxious to dress in her “girly girl” attire, and we were very much ready to capture her sweet little face on camera.  We started our shoot in a field in Celina that hosts amazingly huge cottonwood trees with draping leaves and low branches.  Lyric was delighted with the fact that colorful lanterns had been hung from a low tree limb, and her favorite chair was waiting for her underneath them.  With that, the fun began!  I love how simple things like lanterns can keep a child entertained for hours it seems!  Lyric was enamored with their colors, and loved that she could touch them.  Her sweet giggles, gentle nudges, and sassiness made our job easy…just point and shoot.

After a quick outfit change into quite possibly the most adorable two-year get-up ever…Lyric was once again welcomed to a child’s delight, balloons!  Immediately she wanted them tied to her wrist, and we all laughed as she tried to grab, jump, and run from them.  It was awesome!  The backdrop was the dewy wet grass, and an amazing sunrise.  The balloon fun could have lasted all day, until Lyric insisted on holding the balloons.  We all knew what was coming, and April, Laci and I burst into laughter when the inevitable happened…Lyric let go of the balloons, and that part of our session had come to an abrupt halt!  Lyric happily waved “bye-bye” to the balloons and was ready to carry on.  Needless to say, the balloons produced some amazing pictures and we were thrilled that we were able to capture her innocence on camera.

It’s amazing how ivy on a tree can suddenly transform a normal field into a scene from “The Secret Garden.”  I showed Lyric how pretty the ivy was, and that it smelled so good and she agreed. Little did she know that Laci had been snapping the entire time, and the pictures look like something you would see in a storybook.  Her favorite chair was also an excellent addition to the tree.  She looked like an absolute little angel, and God agreed.  He provided us with rays of sunshine that hit the ivy tree so perfectly, it could’ve only come from him.

I could go on and on about the fun we had with Lyric Scott bright and early on that Monday morning.  It is shoots like hers that makes us love our job, and passionate about what we do.

Laci and I want to thank The Scott Family for trusting us to capture your precious daughter for her two-year old pictures.  We had a fantastic time, and can’t wait to work with you guys again!

Blessings from your friends at Copper Swing Photography, Laci and Chelsea